My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Randomize
