He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
