his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
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