I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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