wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Randomize
