I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
