fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize