The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
