no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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