I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
