Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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