Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
