where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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