Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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