Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
