Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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