all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
