I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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