I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
