I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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