Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
