someone threw a dead crab at me
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
