Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
