i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
