Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize