hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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