The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
