She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
