Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize