i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
