Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
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