I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
