Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
