I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Even my vagina gasped.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
