his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
