God, you're like boner-b-gone
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize