I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
