my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
