Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
