I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
