My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
