First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
