accomplished twins. life is a go
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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