maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Dignity is for republicans.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Randomize