I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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