No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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