Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
