If i come over, it means nothing
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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