Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
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