My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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