i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
