Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
