What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
