Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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