he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
