No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
