sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize
