Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I faked an abortion last night.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
