yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
