So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
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