i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
the liver wants what the liver wants
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
