He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
