just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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