Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
tell your sister to shave her snatch
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
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