And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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