Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
