how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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