Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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