im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
