The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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