new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
